No you are not ugly, horrible, stupid or a bad Muslim. You’re a human who goes through ups and downs. So don’t beat yourself up if you’re having a bad day physically, emotionally and spiritually.
The first thing to say is Allah is with you. Open the Qur’an randomly and read the first ayah you come across, with translation. Alternatively go to Muslim pro and read the daily inspiration ayah. You will find wisdom in whatever you read. If that particular ayah isn’t helping to make sense, don’t worry, carry on going until you find a meaning that is special for you in this moment. The next thing is read mufti menk Twitter page, because Allah bless him, he always seems to know the right thing to say.
I know that your dua has not been answered for the past few years you’ve been asking Him. And you wonder if He is truly merciful as He says He is because you look around you and you see everyone else getting what they want even if they may not be praying as hard as you. Let those feelings go, it doesn’t make you happy comparing yourself to others. Instead carry on knowing the test comes to an end one day and Allah will give you what you’ve been asking for, if not more. And on that day you’ll forget all this pain you’ve been feeling.
Know that you’re beautiful as Allah has created you and don’t feel insecure. Your imperfections are beautiful to someone else and is a reminder that we have a Creator who has made us all unique. I know you like shopping for nice clothes, buying nice make up and dressing up for dinner with your loved ones, and that’s ok. But know this is temporary and true beauty lies with being comfortable with, well, just you.
Can’t wait to meet you in the future; happier, more confident and secure. That future is closer than you think.
Xx