A Year Of Sadness

My world changed when my grandad returned to The Divine Allah rest his soul and grant him the highest place in paradise, ameen. Everyday was hard. Everything reminded me of him. I lost myself. It was hard because I never pictured life without him. You see, my grandad was there: at every problem, he had a solution and used his way with words to make things better. His words and smile made everyday better and clearer when things were grey. 

During this time, the word “sabr” was used a lot, that it began to frustrate me. I needed to find an answer to why everyone who saw the tears flow would say this word. So, I turned to The Divine. Through Salah and translation of the Qur’an, I found peace. I found the only way to find sabr, to have sabr, is by going back to The Divine and praying to be closer to my grandad. Now, I’m thankful for it. I realised a way I can heal: to remember my grandad in everything I did and to see that his blessings and prayers are still with me in every step I take. 

I surrounded myself with people who remind me of my grandad, those who hold similar characteristics of his and those who have wise words like his. I spent more time talking to Nolan and my best friend, who have always been there for me. I also began to talk to others who went through a similar thing. It helped me understand what happened. It helped me cope with my emotion. Most importantly, I learnt that I’m not alone and that there are people around me who understand. 

A friend once said: “What you love is more than just their Physical Expression. The Body is an expression. You love more than just their physicality. Therefore, they are with you forever.” I found this one of the most powerful things anyone could ever say. It helped in ways my friend couldn’t imagine and I am truly grateful and indebted for it. 

The passing of my grandad nearly broke me but alhumdulillah I found myself surrounded by the best people and I couldn’t imagine going through it alone. It was only because of these people, even as a psychology graduate, that I learnt the importance of a strong and beautiful support system. 

I am forever grateful for these people: Nolan and my friends. I pray that they are always blessed and rewarded for all their efforts. I pray and do dua, hoping that I’m close to my grandad with the people I love. Ameen.

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