The Day I Found God

How do I look after myself? Honestly, I don’t know if I do, or even if I do, is it proactively supporting my well-being. Regardless, looking after myself was and is a journey in figuring out who I am and what my needs are, and in turn, this journey led me to the day that I found God.

Now reductive in it’s a remark, finding solace isn’t an activity you pick up over the period of 24 hours, however, it was through numerous events that I came to the conclusion of how I could look after myself best. I, even to this day, am a very passionate individual. I passionately love and I passionately get distressed and I passionately invest myself in everything… But my self.

And in turn when I looked to friends, family and even Netflix to passionately be a means for my care, or when I tried to self-medicate through the relationships in my life, I always felt dissatisfied. I always felt like I was the more passionate aspect of any dynamic I shared with either a person or situation.

Once I realized this didn’t work for me, I turned to introspection. In doing so I came to the conclusion that I had to be the one that was in control of my life. How disillusioned I was. How could I control my emotions, and situation when I couldn’t control my urge to use the bathroom or eat the cheeky chocolate muffin.

It was truly when I felt the most helpless that I realized, that all I had to do was raise my hands up and surrender. Not to the expectations people had of me, or to societies expectations. All I had to do, was surrender and leave my care to God. That is the day I asked God, that as he allowed my heart to beat and my eyes to see and my mind to think – He could help me use that same heart to stop feeling that deep pitted fear, or my eyes to be consumed by the superficiality of a capitalist society (I’m a politics student) and my mind to handle and appreciate the strains of university, work, and campaigns.

The day I found God was the day I surrendered and realized that it is through His mercy that I was being taken care of. So that’s how I take care of myself. It changes from conversation to commodity, but all are a reflection of His mercy towards me.