Self-Care Is Not Selfish

I think the most important thing that I wish to relay to people who may struggle and feel like their lives are one big emotional roller-coaster (as we all do at times) is that it is okay to not be okay. We’re only human, and our flaws are truly what make us perfect. Life can feel overwhelming and difficult at times, but it is essential that we take care of ourselves and search deeply for self-love. 

Being a natural empath, I have always made it a priority to try and take care of everyone around me. I always saw this as a positive aspect of myself, and it is something which I still love to do, being able to lift another’s spirits is an achievement and feels so rewarding. Having an impact can be amazing, but it was only very recently that I realised I can never do my best in anything without taking care of myself first. That if I continued at that pace without having that important time for solitude, reflection and self-care, I would eventually burn out!  Since making it a goal to make more time for myself, I noticed a visible difference and it is like a weight has been taken off of my shoulders. 

My top tips for self-care are to try and be as consistent as possible with it – after a long day of working or socialising, do things that make you happy such as writing down the positives of the day which could even include the smallest achievements, picking up the phone and calling a friend or someone you trust to share how you feel so it doesn’t remain bottled up, practising activities such as mindfulness if this works for you, making time for self-pamper through face-masks etc and making sure you have that time for the people and things that you love. Different mechanisms work for different people, so experimenting is key. 

Most importantly, it’s okay to say no to others, because you don’t owe anything to anyone but yourself. You are your biggest investment for life! 
You can still be a caring and kind-hearted person without neglecting your own well-being.


Selflessly Putting Myself First


How are you ? 

No really how are YOU? WHO are you? 

Do you realise that you’re a complex human being with complex needs? Someone who needs looking after just as much as you need to look after the little people in your life ? 

Well, well done you! Yes you, mother, panelist, therapist, blogger, cyclist, community activist to-be and so much more ! Well done for taking the time to find a hobby that sets your soul on fire ! 

Well done for paying for yourself to go to umrah to reconnect with your Lord when your spirit also needed to be rekindled. 

Well done for sometimes leaving those dishes in the sink when you just can’t face doing them for the umpteenth time that day-and it’s OK.  Yes its OK! The world by the grace of Allah still turned when the two cups and one plate were left for the next day. It’s all good ?

Well done you for making sure you eat breakfast before heading out in the morning. 

Well done to you for taking five minutes to switch off from Instagram, Facebook and all the other superficial and demanding social media apps that suck life from your soul and cause you to sometimes doubt your self worth. 

Well done to you my friend, for choosing the expensive natural brand of shampoo over the cheaper chemical filled brand because you know it’s better for your body. 

Well done you for giving in to that chocolate muffin when you know you shouldn’t be eating sugar but which helped you feel at ease again after a stressful week of deadlines and so on. 

Well done you for accepting compliments that brighten your day but that which do not permeate your ego. 

Well done you for putting the children to bed early so you can BREATHE. 

Well done you for embracing your children to feel their warmth and to allow them to know that they are very much loved. 

Well done you for all the things you never thought  you’d do or achieve and well done you for fighting through your negative thoughts that often hold you back. 

Well done you for trying new things such as yoga stretching out the aches and pains of the dunya as you bend. 

Hold your head up high! You are not perfect but you are doing a wonderful job at being perfectly imperfect. Well done for just sometimes selflessly putting yourself first.


Verily, By Time

The best investment in looking after myself is taking the time to know how I react when times are becoming difficult, stressful or overwhelming.. the warning signs start small.., becoming less motivated, feeling more tired, less interest in socialising..  my biggest learning curve has been the realisation to allow my soul to know that it’s OK, it’s ok to feel this way, to accept it for what it is, to slow down for a few days.   Trying to carry on and ignore only leads to a crash, which can last weeks or months. 

When I notice the small signs, I allow myself to slow down, spend time in the outdoors.. nature is such a healer.  Take a nap, rest has become associated with being lazy, it’s isht laziness it’s a need.. I keep a journal of everything I’m grateful for, I write 3 points within the day I’ve felt blessed.. even if it just be a hot tea, it makes me focus on the good.  

If I take the time out, invest in myself this way, it helps me to function and be better equipped to cope with life’s hardships.  It’s helps me to be patient, to be a better person for myself and those around me.


Me, Myself And I

Growing up I wasn’t too good at looking after myself, I always preferred to be taken care off. But the older I have become, I like to think the wiser I am and I have learned that the only person who is responsible for my own happiness is ‘me’. 

So now I try and implement different ways to look after my wellbeing, I am practising patience as you don’t unlearn unhelpful behaviours overnight.

I try and wake up a little earlier than I used to so I am not rushing around. I listen to a positive affirmation video in the morning to set my intention for the day.

I try not to sit at my desk all day and try to get some fresh air at lunch.

I meditate regularly sometimes alone or in a class. I have done this for years and it grounds me and helps me to focus.

I try and swim regularly. I only learnt to swim 2 years ago, this was a huge achievement for me! So I really enjoy it. Its great for the body and mind.

I spend time with friends and family; I have learnt that having a good support group really helps when life gets tough. People may come and go but true friends are always there for you. 

I like to keep my minding ticking over so I try and take up an evening class when I can. I am currently studying Victorian history. I am also an avid reader. 

I like to travel so take time out during the year to get some ‘me time’.

I practice 5 minutes of gratitude everyday to be thankful for everything in my life.

I switch off before bed. No phone or iPad or TV in my room. 

I would like to say I eat healthy, but not quite there yet! I focus on the glass being half full not half empty. in the words of one of my favourite quotes…”Happiness is a journey not a destination.”